88. Obituaries have coded messages. Here’s what the words really mean

There’s an art to writing (and interpreting) what they’ll say about you after you’re dead. Take control now.

One of my favourite reads was the UK Guardian’s Book of Obituaries. All the famous and infamous were preserved with well-chosen words. Once we get through the euphemisms: departed, passed away, met his/her maker, etc we know they are actually ‘dead’.

To die ‘tragically’ usually means some kind of road or industrial accident.

‘After a short/long battle’ usually means cancer. A request to donate to some medical research etc removes the mystery. To die ‘unexpectedly’ can suggest suicide. Ditto for ‘by his own hand’.

‘He never married’ used to mean homosexual. But now same sex marriages require more information. ‘A fun-loving bachelor’ means he spread his sexual favours widely.

‘Vivacious’ hints at being a heavy drinker/alcoholic. ‘A free spirit’ and ‘utterly carefree’ means irresponsible and unemployable.

‘A tireless raconteur’ means a verbose bore. ‘He left no estate’ means he spent every last penny and he expects others to pay his funeral expenses.

To avoid ambiguity or innuendos we should write our own obituary. Leave dispatch instructions with your WILL. Include these elements:

• Intro including date and place of death

• What kind of person you’d like people to think you were

• Parent’s names incl. mother’s maiden name

• Birth place and date

• Upbringing location and schooling

• Youthful sporting / cultural accomplishments

• Academic education achievements

• Marriage date/s to whom

• Offspring in birth order

• Work-life achievements / military service, rank, medals

• Hobbies, adult sports, social achievements

• Other activities which gave you pleasure

• Spouse if surviving, or death date

• Funeral service details, burial or cremation

• Flowers? Donations to a charity please

• Funeral Arranger in charge

About 200-500 words should suffice. You can add/tweak/amend your words as you think fit. You may keep your obituary words private, or share portions with your family. Expect some clarifications/disagreements. Your choice. A printed version and electronic memory stick are both useful for dispatching.

Your obituary is something you can control after you’re dead. If you write it now.

#####BM

This is SubStack Post #88. I cannot vouch for the authenticity of Betty’s obit.